Boundaries make freedom possible by clarifying what must be worked with, not just personally and transpersonally, but also interpersonally. Since everything – everything! – exists through relationship, it is crucial that we learn to work well within relationship, both with others and with our own needs, states, and identity. This work is not possible if our boundaries are not clearly delineated and skillfully maintained.”

Boundaries is a slippery word…Today, we teach that setting boundaries is making clear what’s okay and what’s not okay, and why. Vulnerability minus boundaries is not vulnerability.”

Boundaries define formally and informally how professionals are to exercise their power inside the relationship. When professionals maintain these limits, the power differential presents no problems. However, when professionals abuse the privilege of their power, they violate the boundary that protects the space and place us in jeopardy.”

Detecting a boundary violation is difficult because it is a process rather than a single event. It grows like a cancer beneath the surface of the relationship’s legitimate purpose and is hard to recognize until it emerges as a serious, blatant problem.”

[Misogyny] is rather meant to be a name for whatever hostile force field forms part of the backdrop to [the woman’s] actions…she may or may not actually face these hostile potential consequences, depending on how she acts. That is how social control generally works: via incentives and disincentives, positive and negative reinforcement mechanisms. She can escape aversive consequences by being ‘good’ by the relevant ideals or standards.”

For women in particular, there’s yet another reason to expect that appeals to empathy will be an effective tool for gaslighters, namely, the fact that the familiar sexist trope that women are and should be more empathetic than men is alive and thriving in us all.

As philosopher Kate Mann has pointed out in her thorough study of the concept, misogyny is not simply the hatred of women or even sexist attitudes toward them; rather, it functions like a shock collar, keeping women in line when they break away from patriarchal order or don’t give men what they think they are entitled to. Often this coercive form of control looks simply like the imperative to be ‘good,’ and for women, good means giving.

I am often struck by the dangerous narcissism fostered by spiritual rhetoric that pays so much attention to individual self-improvement and so little to the practice of love within the context of community.”

I’d never heard of narcissistic personality disorder until I went on this journey of [spiritual] discovery…It’s important that students and potential students of any guru look at the literature on how to spot a narcissist.

Although ethical guidelines are valuable in providing basic safeguards for individuals and communities, [Barry Magid] claims that the ‘boundary violations’ occurring in the [Zen sex] scandals are rooted in deeper psychodynamic issues, particularly unresolved narcissistic needs of teachers.”