Note: Resources shared here reflect contributions from diverse
individuals in recovery from dHARMa. Although care has been taken to ensure quality, inclusion does not constitute endorsement. Please use personal discretion when engaging with these materials.
[So many women] gave me incredible strength….And I thanked them for it…I [also] received thousands of letters from all over the world…and [these women] thanked me for talking about [my abuse] because now they were no longer afraid to do it as well. I got so many messages from women telling me, ‘thanks to you, I’m going to file a complaint.’ “
First of all, don’t lose your self-confidence. Listen to that voice that takes you in the right direction. I had doubts, everybody has doubts, I had doubts at times. But I would tell [other survivors]: don’t have shame, don’t be ashamed, don’t be afraid, confront your aggressor. We all have a force, we all have a strength inside that we can use to help us stride forward. Keep your eyes on the future, look ahead. Look ahead and stand tall in your dignity.”
In our ethnographic research on sexual abuse and misconduct in contemporary Buddhism, we found that survivors of abuse were routinely dismissed, vilified, and silenced when they attempted to speak out about their experience.”
It’s possible that Buddhist ethics and Buddhist authority structures could support transparency, accountability and the centering survivors…however both our ethnographic and our textual research has shown us that this hasn’t been the norm historically or in the contemporary Buddhist world. Again and again, Buddhist organizations and the teachers that lead them move to protect themselves, their revenue streams and the reputation of their lineages at the expense of survivors.”
The complexities of naming [abuse, and one’s self related to it] have been compounded by a grouping together of a range of offenses and offenders. How then can one language appropriately distinguish between various actors and various actions and various contexts while still acknowledging the shared cultures of secrecy, complicity and gendered hierarchies that have enabled them?”
I use the term survivor to describe what some might call a victim. ..For me, those who have been in psychologically abusive relationships are not merely victims. They are people who have learned to overcome an insidious form of abuse. They have come out on the other side of healing…”
Religious or spiritual abuse results in an identity crisis. Victim, survivor, muse, consort – who am I?…Who am I if not his devotee or her acolyte? Who am I if not a special member of a special group? Who am I if I have been abused by the very person with whom I needed to feel safe? Am I a victim? Am I a fool?…Most of all, who am I in relation to my god or the gods of my own divine nature?”
I identify myself as a cult survivor and someone who also experienced a cult situation in a Buddhist context; and often I identify myself also as a survivor of sexual abuse in that context, as well…I’m comfortable with ‘survivor’ or ‘victim’, that’s how I orient myself in these opportunities to talk about my experience.”
When I’m genuinely victimized by racism in my daily life, I want to be able to name it, to name that it hurts me, to say that I’m victimized by it. But I don’t want to see that as all that I am.”
‘Victim’ is not a dirty word. Harmed people get to choose the language of their harm…Minimizing harm by purposefully choosing language that blunts the reality of violence is neither restorative nor victim-centered.
I see myself as a survivor, and I’m not ashamed to say I’m a survivor. To me, ‘survivor’ implies strength, implies that I have been through something terrible and I made it out to the other side.”
Victim…should be destigmatized, because it is first of all a legal term. A victim is someone against whom a crime has been committed.”
The stigma of victimhood is a timeworn tool of oppressive powers to gaslight the people they subjugate into believing that by naming their disempowerment they are being dramatic, whining, attention-grabbing, or beating a dead-horse. Believe me, I wish this horse were dead.”
While a victim is seen as static, frozen in grief, forever imprisoned at the time of the incident, a survivor is expected to progress and move on …The survivor language highlights the importance of the personal healing journey and the steps an individual is taking to empower themselves independent of the violet systems that continue to harm them and others.
[I]f you are a survivor, whether or not you choose to pursue a legal case, sit in your own truth and tell your own story when you are ready. Know that you are already doing the most radical thing possible: you are breaking the silence.”
To the brave and brokenhearted
who have taught us how to rise after a fall.
Your courage is contagious.”
No matter how clear or creative our voice, or how persistent our efforts to be heard, we may not get the results we want. Other people may fail to respond to us with sensitivity, empathy, or fairness. They may refuse to respect our request for even a simple behavioral change. They many not show up for the conversation. Still, we may choose speech over silence as a way to honor our own need for language and self-definition.”
The lack of survivor-focused stories also silences essential voices and prevents the creation of truly healing interventions.”
Video: Survivor Testimony
(see also Open Letter to Plum Village centres: An appeal for better safeguarding measures)
That’s really important, that we’re not alone when we start to speak out.”
